Wednesday, April 22, 2009

First Moments

A year ago today we lost our baby. It is a day I could not forget, a moment of sorrow I will always remember, that moment we were told our baby was gone. I do not like to talk to people about emotional things that will make me cry, (ask my husband, he has to practically twist my arm to get me talk when I am deeply troubled about something) even on this blog where there is some ambiguity I find it hard to express deeper emotions.

Since I was a little girl I have written poetry and when my baby died I wrote a poem and published it on this blog as my way of expressing a part of what I felt that day. Today I wrote another poem trying to capture some of my thoughts about things I wondered about my baby when she was first ushered into God's presence. I only had about an hour to work on it while the girls watched a movie and had multiple interruptions due to my little ones thirst or other small things of that nature so its a bit rough. The first two stanzas don't rhyme and I didn't fully develop the theme I was going for; perhaps I'll polish it up one day but for now I suppose it will do.

First Moments

What was it like when you took your first breath
Not here, but in heaven?

What did you see when you first opened your eyes
Not here, but in heaven?

These things I wonder on this side of death
where I never saw your face or heard your first breath.

I thought you were there, growing inside me
When really you were gone where I couldn't see.

Your very first moments I did not hear, could not see
My arms never held you, your first sight was not of me.

But God saw each moment, He planned them for you
First breath, first sight, all the firsts you would do.

And one day when I pass through heaven's pearl gate
I will no longer need to wonder, no longer to wait

I will see you running, running toward me
I'll know your face, hear your breath and I finally will be

There for a moment, one that is new
The first time your mother's arms ever held you.

1 comment:

Art Kilmer said...

Oh wow! This poem is fantastic!!!!! You made me cry, but it was only one small manly tear running down my cheek. :-)

Seriously though, this poem is really good. It won't be long now and you will get to hold your new baby. Let me tell you, a new little one will go a long way in healing that emptiness you are feeling. He will never replace the one you lost, but he will be precious to you.