Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Do Not Stick the Flag Up Your Nose!

We made it to Michigan and back again safely and had a wonderful time but I'm going to blog about that later. Today I want to talk about the things that we say as parents that we never would have thought would be uttered by any human being in the history of the world such as my title. Yesterday as we waited to check out at the grocery store we saw a nice display of little American flags for 97 cents a piece. We both agreed this would be a fine time to teach the girls about how to respect the flag and all that good stuff so we bought two. We also bought flag window clings for the girls to play with. So we were all feeling patriotic (though Joel couldn't resist saying how much cooler Brasil's flag was!)and when we got home we gave a little speech on how to treat the very special flag; don't put it on the ground, don't poke each other with it etc,. They were pretty good with them and then just before bedtime naughtiness ensued and I found myself saying, "Katie, Abby, Don't put your flag on the ground, don't poke each other with them, and DO NOT STICK THE FLAG UP YOUR NOSE!".

Of course as soon as those words left my mouth we all burst out laughing though Joel tried to smother his guffaws behind his book! I discovered that if you laugh while your trying to discipline your child it completely ruins all effectiveness of said discipline! For instance as soon as Joel and I started laughing after the flag/nose incident the girls immediately stuck the flags back up their little noses! Sigh!

Another fun thing that I have said to the girls is "We DO NOT sing the poopy song in public!"! The girls picked up this very silly song from one of Joel's programs that he occasionally watches while I'm fixing dinner. The youngest character, to cheer up their babysitter, sings a song while doing a cute little dance that goes like this "Poopy, poopy, poopy, poopy! Poopy poopy poopy-poo!" After our fun picnic on Memorial Day we went to the mall to go shoe shopping for Joel. The girls love shoes so they were pretty worked up being surround by hundreds of pairs of shoes in so many fascinating colors! I was desperately trying to keep them in some sort type of order when Katie, while bouncing up and down on a chair, suddenly starts to belt out the "Poopy Song". Abby decided to join in but only got out one "Poo" before they were silenced by my "mommy look" and my terse "We DO NOT sing the poopy song in public!" I'd prefer that they not sing the poopy song at all except there's a little part of me that loves how adorably cute they are bouncing up and down and singing it!

Then there's the time I exclaimed "Abby DO NOT LICK the carpet!!!" while on the phone with my brother. The apple pie I had been making had fallen off the edge of the counter and landed face down on our kitchen floor so there was a reason she was licking the carpet but still, EW! In fact I have to tell the girls not to lick many different things as one of their favorite games is to pretend their doggies! After I have scolded them for licking the walls, their toys, or each other Katie generally replies with "But mommy, I am a doggy and doggies lick things!" at which I am hard pressed not to laugh because after all doggies do lick things and in Katie-land that justifies her licking things too!

Some other fun things I have said include "Abby do not color on your sister!"; "Abby, DO NOT eat that! Ever!"; Abby don't kiss the guinea pig's nose!"; "Abby don't put that hotdog in your shirt!"; "Katie don't play peek-a-boo using your skirt!"; "Abby don't eat the dandelion!"; "Abby don't make Katie eat the dandelion!"; "Abby don't eat that crayon!", "Katie don't feed crayon's to Abby!"; "Katie don't chase Abby with your vacuum!", "Abby do not eat that ladybug!" "Katie do not pick your sister's nose!" and on and on it goes! Sometimes its really frustrating having to scold the girls for these very weird things but most of the time I just want to sit down and laugh!


Anonymous said...

As I read the opening few sentences, I could practically hear the Bill Cosby voice-over. As I kept reading, however, I came to an wonderful conclusion: your stuff is funnier than Cosby's. I have the world's cutest comedians for nieces!

-Gonzo the Great

Anonymous said...

I can add a few. Such as, "Do NOT feed your booger to your brother!."

Love boys. Love them.

Art Kilmer said...

I've said things like, "Don't stick your peepee on your brother", "Don't pee on your brother", and just last night as I was giving the kids a bath, "Ryan move over, Sam's face is in your bum-bum."

Ha, good times.