Perry the Penguin and the Trashbags of Doom
An illustrated true story by Jacob Irvings
Long ago, in the land of Antarcomaha, there lived a flock of penguins.For many generations, these penguins had made their home on the Sacred Tableau, living with joy and happiness. All was not perfect in this paradise, however, for among the many penguins, there was one who had a problem.
Perry the penguin had no feet!
Perry coped pretty well, however, because penguins mostly stand around all day and Perry could stand up, even though he was foot-free (but not fancy-loose). The day came when the goddess of Antarcomaha, Jan the Decorator, (J the D) looked down upon the penguins,preparing to predestine them to ride the cupcakian icebergs in the Very Big Senseless parade. When J the
D's (J's the D?) eyes fell upon Perry, and saw that he was foot-free, J the D was not pleased. Being a cruel goddess, and without mercy or kindness, she predestined Perry to destruction in the Trashbags of Doom.
Poor Perry! Handicapped (footicapped? flippericapped?) as he was, he was certainly deserving of compassion, but he found none at the hands of the evil J the D. But there roamed the land of Antarcomaha another deity, of greater title but lesser power than J the D - Irv the Wonderful (I the W). In his wanderings, I the W noticed Perry, recognized his plight, and I the W's heart was stirred. Straightway he went to J the D and begged for Perry's life, but J the D was unwilling to compromise, and insistent that Perry face his end in the Trashbags of Doom. I the W left, saddened and disturbed in his heart, and intent on finding a way of delivering Perry. With the time of the Very Big Senseless Parade fast approaching, I the W saw his chance. As it happened, J the D found it necessary to descend into the bowels of Sherman, there to torment young human children from the Garden of Kinder. Seizing his opportunity, I the W reached down,plucked Perry from the Sacred Plateau,
and placed him high in a secret place on top of the Junkuous Closet. Perry breathed a sigh of relief. When J the D returned from her conquest of the Shermaniac Kinder Gardeners, She went to work preparing the penguins for the Very Big Senseless parade. One by one, she plucked them from the Sacred Plateau and placed them on their own individual cupcakian iceberg.
J the D then placed the excited penguins and their icebergs in magic pans
and transported them altogether to the site of the Very Big Senseless parade, which was Fast Becoming a Circus. Then in a fit of pique and in typically treacherous fashion, J the D caused all the penguins to be consumed in the gaping canyons of Snak. All perished – not one was spared.
But what of Perry? I the W, gently and with great care, prepared a device that could substitute for Perry's missing feet. He would be able to move about, have shelter from the cold winds that J the D causes to blow in Antarcomaha, and from which he could see the world.
And Perry lived happily ever after, to this very day.
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